I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
