Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
