how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
