I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
