I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
