I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
