I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
