I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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