Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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