"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
