It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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