My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
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it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
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There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize