Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
