Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
