I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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