you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
send nudes
from the living room?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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