I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
