doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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