Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
