just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm getting married
To pizza
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
