So drunk its hurt
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
