You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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