This dress was meant to end up on your floor
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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