We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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