dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
