I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
