found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
