Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
