**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
