omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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