My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
