im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
