You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
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You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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