I'm sorry my penis didn't work
too bad you live with your parents still
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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