i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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