Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
