very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
