Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
