I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
