LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
