dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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