I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
