i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
