fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
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Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
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Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.