I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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