I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I deserve this hangover.