I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
