I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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