Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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