Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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