so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
