Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Dick very happy bro
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
