3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
This baby is an asshole
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
