I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
