she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
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Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Oh god it's open bar.
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