we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize