My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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