In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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