I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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