Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize